Greetings and good morning from the rainy/smoky Bitterroot Valley! I find myself giggling to myself as I start writing today. It’s just my warped sense of humor bleeding through as I typed “A Helping Hand” and knowing how ironic it is with what I am opening this month’s column to write about.
Many years ago, a man wanted to date me and I was hesitant, not feeling ready to do so after the loss of my husband. I had traveled to Omaha to be available for the birth of my first blood-born grandson. While I was gone from Montana, I received a call from him and his request confirmed my feelings of resistance. If he was trying to “court me,” he was extremely raw in his attempts.
I was actually stunned when he asked me to “talk dirty to him.” I politely told him that I didn’t know how to do that, but I had a friend who did this with her boyfriend and maybe he’d like her phone number to ask this of her. He was now the one stunned, sputtering that it just wouldn’t be the same . . . it was me he wanted to perform his fantasy. Seldom am I ever at a loss for words, but here I was with just my imagination of how this was going to (NOT!) roll . . .
Still politely telling him that I didn’t have that capability with even my husband to do this, I certainly didn’t have the desire to begin now with a stranger. He continued to beg me to fulfill this request. He finally negotiated that since I’m a writer that he’d be willing to allow me to put the dirty talk in print and then read it to him. I told him I would ponder it. I then listened to his normal issue he discussed during his calls to me of his annoying elderly neighbor, Mrs. Stackers. She drove him nuts with her busy-body “Mrs Kravitz/get her nose in your business attitude.” She had no filter and said whatever came to mind and it drove him crazy.
I awoke at 7 a.m. the following morning with a poem in my head, rushed it to paper, and made the call to him “to talk dirty.” Excitedly, I said, “Ok, are you ready to hear what I wrote for you?” Panting in anticipation, he said, “Yeah . . . yeah, I’m READY!” I read the following words:
If I wanted to lay you down, I’d send you over to Mrs. Stackers.
You want me to talk dirty to you? Ok…”F” you – and kiss my crackers!!
He wasn’t impressed. In fact, he groaned. I said, “You wanted me to talk dirty and that’s about as dirty as I can get.” He whined, “That wasn’t exactly what I was anticipating and eww … but Mrs. Stackers?!” I innocently replied, “Well, I needed something to rhyme with Mrs. Stackers and could have said “PACKERS,” but I know you don’t like football.”
You, the readers, who know me as a healer and inspirational author probably believe that since we’re called to use our talents and gifts for the greater good of mankind, that we only get the warm fuzzies. I truly believed after I was raped and had things done to me that were pure evil that no one could shock me if they related their experiences. I was just sure of it, believing I could handle just about anything now. Was I wrong? I was soon going to find out.
Talk about offering “A Helping Hand,” . . . My telephone rang recently and a man’s voice said, “Hi sweetheart!” I replied, “Hi . . . who is this?” He said his first name, which I know many by that name, but the voice didn’t sound familiar. He said, “I need you” and I asked, “How may I serve you today?” His next words startled me by saying, “I need you to talk dirty to me.” As I am saying, “Well, that isn’t something I feel comfortable doing and most likely is not going to happen today,” my mind is racing. Is this an obscene phone call and I should hang up? Am I being tested by God, willing to be of service no matter what the call is? Is this guy recording me to download whatever I say onto Internet for me to lose credibility? Spinning thoughts in a millisecond were going through my head . . .
With courtesy, I am going to use words to describe this situation so LuAnn (Editor of the Open Line doesn’t get censored for having a Triple XXX rated newspaper,) but still able to explain how this situation can be dealt with on a spiritual level. This man explained bluntly how he was in a clinic and had to provide a specimen in a jar and needed me to assist. Wondering where his wife was, I was informed that she was home “because it was a privacy issue.” Although he told me he would never tell anyone he made the call or divulge whatever dirty fantasy information I provided, I still felt HUGELY AWKWARD HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.
Married for 10 years in my first marriage, trying to get pregnant and having to deal with all the embarrassing details to accomplish it brought me to a moment of compassion. I knew how he felt, but from a woman’s perspective. My attitude about what I was dealing with shifted tremendously. I am used to dealing with women with issues of rape/abuse/embarrassing body functions. Bingo . . . time to walk my talk and know how a man feels in situations like this.
He wanted me to describe what I was wearing. A hoodie and sweatpants wasn’t going to cut it. He wanted me to describe my body. No, nope, nada . . . my hairy legs that hadn’t been shaven, the cellulite that appeared from the lockdown since March, my arms that have “Popeye muscles on the top, but the skin that hangs down when I raise them because “gravity works,” or my face that has a roadmap of wrinkles. That was going to turn him OFF, not on.
I asked the Holy Spirit silently how to handle this situation, because I was at a loss of how to help this man who was whimpering on the telephone for help. A one-liner from my book, “As God is My Witness” came to mind to help me shatter all resistance: “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
I said, “You are projecting outwardly thinking that I have the answers, but they lie within you. I don’t know what woman attracts you or what YOUR fantasies are, nor do I need to. You need to use YOUR imagination…what color hair, shape/size woman and what YOU would do if given an opportunity.” That’s all it took and without using his response, let me just say that the mission was accomplished. Phew. Thank goodness for both him AND me.
I have put my home telephone number in thousands of books and spoken it globally to make myself as accessible as possible to the public. I have assured people that I won’t judge them and they are safe to say whatever they need to say.
Ladies, bless men’s hearts! We think they are so tough, but heartache and fear wears many faces and sometimes, they are on men and they can’t reach out as easily.
I received a handwritten letter from a man recently who was afraid to send it through his computer. I am so glad that he felt safer to put it in letter form and express himself freely to tell me his story. I believe it can help others and I’m keeping his name confidential. I will call him Mr. Braveheart.
“I feel like I’m on a spiritual path now which has me growing . . . thank you. I’m also reading your book you told me to download, “GUTS & GLORI(A). To put it clinically, it resonates with me . . . put another way – a person in A.A. says, “It hits me where I live!” (I’ve been sober for 45 years.) I must say that it’s been hard to read GUTS – due to the rape you’ve experienced. Thank you so much for including the Prayer of Forgiveness. I must have said it to myself seven times at least while reading through the first time.
I had gone for a private session with a local Native American for a forgiveness session but could not bring myself at the time to do it. The first time was a man/boy who was 18 at the time . . . I was 17. We were both camp counsellors at a camp for special ed children. He attempted later when we ran into each other on campus. I was in University – perhaps first year . . . he pulled me into the bushes next to a church, but I can’t remember anything after that. The second person had been a lead part in a play. I had been his dresser backstage. I was a theatre major then. He had invited me to a bar, plied me with double shots of bourbon . . . numerous shots. Well, I “put the plug in the jug” about six months later thanks to the fellowship of A.A. and due to a connection with my Higher Power (whom I choose to call God,) I have not found it necessary to take a drink since then. But, thank you Gloria for sharing the Prayer of Forgiveness.
Mr. Braveheart’s letter spoke of working in a distress center and witnessing a client who cut his throat and wrists in front of him, leaving him to deal with the trauma. He shared his story of being 4 years old and his father dying from the car accident which put him into a coma. His mother had been told by the medical world that he wasn’t going to live and if he did, he’d be a vegetable for the rest of his life. A mother’s faith and love restored him. After learning to walk and talk again, he went forth with his life to be of service to many. He ended his letter by saying:
I’ve never told anybody that in my life. I recall having a series of repetitive dreams where I’m being lowered through that tunnel of light. I remember being told by “someone” almost in a coaching type of manner, that I have a PURPOSE to fulfill. I would like to think that PURPOSE is making my little part of the world a little more loving and a little lighter. So, perhaps God led me to you . . . who’s to say? ME : ) Whoa, that was totally intuitive! I would like to help in any way I can.
I think Mr. Braveheart just did! I responded immediately to his letter and we will just see, eh?! I might just need a man who has experience in a crisis center and has recovered from abuse to help me with the men when I get a HEALING CENTER FOR HUMANITY up and running!
And then, there’s our precious Crystal who wrote to me for prayers for her daughter this week because she tested positive for Covid-19. Having that stress, along with financial difficulties, she got whacked with anxiety a third time in the same week. Her four tires had been needlessly slashed by an angry neighbor because she knocked on his door at 2:30 a.m. and asked him to please turn down his music with his nightly wild party going on. Crystal had been dealt about all she could handle from Life 101 and wrote to me for guidance. This is how some of our conversations went this week:
Crystal: I just got a call from my oldest daughter. She tested positive for Covid today. She’s short of breath and coughing a lot. Please keep her in your prayers. I’m so worried about her.
Me: I AM on it immediately. Please keep me advised. Do what it teaches in Chapter 2 of GUTS & GLORI(A). ooxx
Crystal: Thank you, Gloria. This whole thing has just got me so upset. It’s hard to clear my mind and think straight because I’m so stressed and worried. My daughter and I FaceTimed for a while this evening. It was breaking my heart when she was coughing and explaining that when she’s breathing in deeply, it hurts.
Me: You remain peaceful and let God do His job. You can rub your hands together and put them over your eyes any time you feel fear or anxiety. That is ALL you need to do. Fear not . . . your kid just became MY KID and trust me, I AM WILLING AND ABLE TO BE HIS INSTRUMENT IN HER BEHALF. Again, do hands over your eyes and RELAX. ooxx
Crystal: I’m going to do that now and try to fall asleep. My nerves are about shot. I think that’s probably the best thing I should do is just close my eyes and put hands over my eyes. I love you so much, thank you for being such a good friend.
Me: Backatcha sweetheart. Sweet dreams . . . Love you, too!
Me: Just checking in today to see how you are doing? Did you get a good night’s rest?
Crystal: Yes, I did actually, thank you for checking on me. And I borrowed money from a friend to get her some supplies because my job has been messing with my money/hours this summer and really put a financial strain on me. It’s bothering her that she can’t taste anything and all she wants to do is eat spicy food. I’m trying to stay calm and not bother her too much. It’s really hard as a mom to do that when your child is sick.
Me: I know . . . I hover. My daughter Danielle makes fun of me. When she, at age 35, is in the bathroom for what I consider “too long,” I knock on the door and ask, “Are you okay in there?” She always giggles and says. “ Yes momma.” For all I know, she is reading BETTY & VERONICA comics on the back of the throne. But, I can’t help myself. So I understand you doing everything in your power to nurture her through this. Glad you slept well! Gotta keep momma strong and energized to be of any help. I am sorry we are all suffering to one degree or another over this virus. I will check on you again later….love you bunches. Ooxx
Crystal: Two nights ago, someone slashed all four of my tires. Little did they know, a neighbor had a video camera and the police couldn’t do anything with the information. Unfortunately, the faces weren’t obvious in the camera and the police couldn’t do anything with the information. But the good news is that I am 100% sure it was the neighbor because of the clothes worn and the body style and mannerisms as they moved around my car putting holes in every one of my tires. So that’s how my life is going. I hope things are going well in your world. I’m completely stressed out. Thankfully, my daughter is doing a lot better, thank you for your prayers and love. She still has a nasty cough, but she can breathe. Anyway, I love you bunches, just giving you an update on what’s happening with me and kind of just wanted to check on you and see how you’re doing.
Me: Good morning and good grief! I was so happy to see your face first thing when I picked up my phone this morning. I thought about you so many times yesterday. My intuition told me yesterday afternoon that your daughter is doing better. I will tell you what . . . anyone causing someone grief in this world and being an unnecessary a-hole just marked themselves as chaff. Now, especially in all of recorded history, “He’s making a list and checking it twice . . .” Does your car insurance cover vandalism? Be sure and say the Global 8 Prayer for this lost soul. Have a great day sweetheart. You have many blessings surrounding you and lots of reasons to smile. Signing off today as Reverend Gloria … silly, eh? Look at all the foul language I used to inspire you!! Say the prayer and watch them be moved to their rightful place without effort on your part.
Crystal: You know, you’re right. I know I probably should’ve said it the day that it happened, but I’m mad at them and I feel like the saying is going to bless them and right now, I want them to pay for what they did. But, you’re right – that’s what I should do and I’m gonna do it. Just so angry and bitter right now from all the stress and everything that’s gone on with my daughter/then with my job/and the unneeded and unnecessary mess they did to my car.
I just did it and it makes me laugh that I had found that so hard to do before. So angry and I’ve been so stressed and so frustrated with how life is going right now. I really needed that, I’m glad you reminded me. Thank you, love you so much!
Me: With this Prayer, there is a 50/50 chance that their lives are going to turn to shit. If they choose to remain a bully, their lives go south. If they choose to stop being an a-hole, they will atone and start doing loving things for you and others. Actually, it’s a win/win . . . either you witness their karma or you benefit from their love. Good job sweetie!
Crystal: 48 hours later . . . An update on my current events. One of the officers called me yesterday evening and said he’d like to come by and talk to me. He came to my house and he was discussing some of the pictures from the video. He said he had enough evidence to serve my neighbor with a court date and it will be coming up in October. I’m happy that my neighbor didn’t at least get away free. We’ll see what happens in court. I’m hoping justice will be served…and please, have these people leave me alone.
Me: Thank God . . . a result of YOU saying the prayer. All darkness is revealed when doing so and DIVINE JUSTICE is served. No one gets off the hook with that prayer. When you say it for loved ones . . . they are lifted up under the umbrella of protection. When you say it for those who do harm … well, you will see the fulfillment on court day. Yahoo! Another friggen black hat is goin’ down. Now is the time before you put those invisible six shooters back in the holsters on your hips…you blow the smoke off ‘em and slip them ever-so-delicately back at your side to re-load with the Power of Prayer to use the next time when you come face-to-face for a show-down. KA-POW . . . Crystal is empowered from on High! HI….OOOO Silver rides again.
Crystal: Hahaha…yes, thank you – I was swirling down a hole of anger and frustration and you reminded me to pray for my enemies when it was very, very difficult to do so. I did it repeatedly over and over again . . . and over again. I love you for so many reasons but most of all your friendship and laughter. You always have the right thing to say to ease my mind or point me in a better direction. This earth plane is so lucky you are here helping us misguided and confused. You have never made me feel judged or uneasy for just being myself and speaking freely. Somehow you get your point across with clarity without ever making me feel bad. I appreciate you.
Me: We are in spiritual warfare right now – the separation of the wheat from the chaff. Warm fuzzies are going to piss off the enemy the same as our anger will escalate them. Humanity’s anger and cussing is a wonderful tool to use it to point you in the right direction . . . within . . . to prayer when we feel like helpless and hopeless victims. I may be burned at the stake before this incarnation is over with what I have to say to humanity. We have never met with skin on and I love you so much, I wish we lived closer – I would have to have you over for dinner to celebrate with you. Here is an IOU. Ooxx
After I wrote GUTS & GLORI(A) – I thought about trashing it. In fact, I feel that way about every book I write. I “think I could do better” and should just start over. When Kirk was alive, he prevented me from throwing books into the garbage. With this one, God stopped me by telling me to give it freely to the world (and He didn’t ask me to rewrite it before I obeyed what He was saying.)
I think of it this week like this. If I would have thrown it away, would Mr. Braveheart, Crystal, and other people who wrote to me understand as easily why praying for our enemies is so important? It is when we feel angry, frustrated, and filled with pure hate that we need to do it for ourselves! STOP THE HATE – PRAY THE GLOBAL 8! Without the book, I would have never met two more friends on life’s path who are willing to be of service to me, individually and collectively. It’s always a win/win when God brings us into one another’s lives.
As I end today’s lengthy column, I have to admit – as a healer and inspirational writer – I would have never dared to believe I would ever write or talk about such raw subjects. In today’s times and with the filth coming to the surface to be cleaned up, it seems I continue to be handed turds to polish and transform them into a palatable inspirational column, story, or book to achieve the healing this planet requires.
Until next month . . . take care . . . I care!
Gloria D. Benish, Ph.D.
Dr. Glo-bug (Just here “to lighten things up”)